“Got purpose?”
“Nope, not right now.”
That’s my answer for today to the question merrily splashed across Dan’s t-shirt. I know, I know, it’s not the CORRECT one. Hopefully by tomorrow I’ll have wallowed long enough in the great questions of life and reminded myself of the unforeseen happenings of the last year that have brought us to this point.
Who could not see the hand of God in it all? Africa’s orphans had captured our hearts and so we resigned positions, not knowing exactly where we were headed, but wanting to follow the call. In the next months, we sold or gave away the trappings of 33 years of housekeeping, collecting and accumulating. It was a year of major adjustments—not only were the jobs and belongings gone, but over the past twelve months our family had shrunk from seven to three, and for the first time in 27 years I was no longer caring for young children.
Life as I knew it is gone, and the future is a big question mark. We came to Cape Town following a whisper of a call, trusting that during these six months of schooling the path would become clearer. So far it’s only become more muddied, with more options presenting themselves. It’s not just as if we lost balance for a moment, but as though the great tectonic plates upon which we’ve stood for years, decades even, are rumbling, ominously shifting, so that very little seems certain anymore.
Part of the stirring comes as our thinking is challenged here. We want to make a difference! But there are three strikes against us: first, we are ex-pastors, accustomed to an up-front style of leadership. It was our heart, it is still our heart, to love, care, encourage. But we see that to foment a movement, a growing surge of groups of Jesus-followers, a simpler, more grass-roots model is needed. The proverbial old dogs need to learn new tricks. So we are exploring new ways of thinking, fresh ruts for these creaking wheels.
Secondly, we are white. I’m feeling less and less sure of how white Westerners can empower and resource Africans who desperately need what we have to give. How do we share without creating shame, or dependency? Practically speaking, what place IS there for us here?
Strike three: we are no longer young. White Americans can perhaps be forgiven if they have youth on their side. It’s all about releasing young leaders, the next generation. Yes! I agree! But what happens to the old people? How can the generations work together? As Dan says, who knows, maybe we are not to do much orphan work at all, but are to mobilize and walk with young people, black and white, to start such work in various locations.
More questions than answers here. But I trust that in this shifting sand there is a rock. In my continuing battle with disc pain, I’m learning to trust the One who loves me as never before. I’m catching a glimpse of a life free of guilt and self-condemnation. I’m falling for the Lover of my soul. I’m being healed, physically and otherwise. So…though “purpose” may be eluding me at the moment, I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (from Romans). Thank you, our friends, for walking with us. It means more than you can know!
“Nope, not right now.”
That’s my answer for today to the question merrily splashed across Dan’s t-shirt. I know, I know, it’s not the CORRECT one. Hopefully by tomorrow I’ll have wallowed long enough in the great questions of life and reminded myself of the unforeseen happenings of the last year that have brought us to this point.
Who could not see the hand of God in it all? Africa’s orphans had captured our hearts and so we resigned positions, not knowing exactly where we were headed, but wanting to follow the call. In the next months, we sold or gave away the trappings of 33 years of housekeeping, collecting and accumulating. It was a year of major adjustments—not only were the jobs and belongings gone, but over the past twelve months our family had shrunk from seven to three, and for the first time in 27 years I was no longer caring for young children.
Life as I knew it is gone, and the future is a big question mark. We came to Cape Town following a whisper of a call, trusting that during these six months of schooling the path would become clearer. So far it’s only become more muddied, with more options presenting themselves. It’s not just as if we lost balance for a moment, but as though the great tectonic plates upon which we’ve stood for years, decades even, are rumbling, ominously shifting, so that very little seems certain anymore.
Part of the stirring comes as our thinking is challenged here. We want to make a difference! But there are three strikes against us: first, we are ex-pastors, accustomed to an up-front style of leadership. It was our heart, it is still our heart, to love, care, encourage. But we see that to foment a movement, a growing surge of groups of Jesus-followers, a simpler, more grass-roots model is needed. The proverbial old dogs need to learn new tricks. So we are exploring new ways of thinking, fresh ruts for these creaking wheels.
Secondly, we are white. I’m feeling less and less sure of how white Westerners can empower and resource Africans who desperately need what we have to give. How do we share without creating shame, or dependency? Practically speaking, what place IS there for us here?
Strike three: we are no longer young. White Americans can perhaps be forgiven if they have youth on their side. It’s all about releasing young leaders, the next generation. Yes! I agree! But what happens to the old people? How can the generations work together? As Dan says, who knows, maybe we are not to do much orphan work at all, but are to mobilize and walk with young people, black and white, to start such work in various locations.
More questions than answers here. But I trust that in this shifting sand there is a rock. In my continuing battle with disc pain, I’m learning to trust the One who loves me as never before. I’m catching a glimpse of a life free of guilt and self-condemnation. I’m falling for the Lover of my soul. I’m being healed, physically and otherwise. So…though “purpose” may be eluding me at the moment, I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us (from Romans). Thank you, our friends, for walking with us. It means more than you can know!
3 comments:
wow. you guys are at/and in, a crazy time in your life. Trying to figure out what your purpose is and how to walk in it. I love you guys so much. I hope i can work with you some day.
I love you guys too. My prayers are with you.
Wow. I skimmed through this post a few months ago but didn't fully grasp what's going on, I guess. That's amazing, you guys sold everything and moved completely to Africa! Talk about dedication, following a Call! I continue to hope for the best for all of you over there and I'm praying. You are all such an inspiration to me, I hope that one day I can make it over there. Keep up the good work!
Melanie Rutschman
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